That heavy blue' was a period of this year, while I was heavily encountering the noise, the uproar, the sort of uncomfortable coming, and the invasion. I stepped into the muddy slough then hardly could secede.

Let the self heavily load the dirtiness and anxiety. The silliness and naivety were taken away while I washed hard after finally left. Layers and layers of skins emerging for self-protection beside saving my words beside melancholy and agitation.

Two three weeks before the performance, I started to practice walking with arching my back one two or three hours every day; to experience again that tension. The back now still aching after few resting days, as the weight will be remembered forever in my memory.

​

__ Jan Farn with aching back cannot sleep

at midnight 28 October 2020